Why do I feel such overwhelming confidence when it comes to art or baking, when I've never been professionally trained in either? I just know in my gut that I can do it if I invest my time in it.

Then why aren't I investing my time to this gut-feel potential success? Lack of motivation.

This is one of my many weaknesses. We all have an idea what motivation is, but I've never grasped the art of finding motivation. My motivation is either non-existential, or buried beneath tons of distractions and to-do list in our fastforward10x society.

Let's be hopeful that it exists, and therefore I shall blame it to our lifestyle.

So, in order to retrieve my buried motivation, I need to make changes in my lifestyle, and more importantly have the perseverance to see through these changes.

To seek motivation = Active changes + Perseverance

Active changes = Exercise (and meditate) + Eat healthy + Invest time on things I love (that you will do if you know the world will end tomorrow).

Perseverance = frequent (weekly or daily or hourly) reminders and strong will to decline all distractions.

I will test my equation for 3 days to a week. Motivating myself to seek my long-lost motivation. Oh the irony.

After my interview today, which went the unexpected way, I fought hard to pacify my worrisome inner voice. In fact, the persistent worrying was somewhat uncontrollable, which perhaps triggered the secondary worrying. Unwittingly, an upsized worrying was ordered against my will.

What should we do when uncontrollable worrisome overrides your logical reasoning?

1. Acknowledge it. Worry has a bad rap for pettiness. If dismissed, it finds its way, by hook or by crook, to reappear in an uglier form. Think depression. By acknowledging worry, it is always taken aback and that's when you attack when its guard is down.

2. Attack by questioning its existence relentlessly. Ask yourself a 1001 questions, whether mentally, aloud or in writing if that clears your thoughts better.

3. With a clarified thought, you will find that all answers lie within you. This human function is not always functional, but it is definitely there, albeit elusive.

So after a long day, of acknowledging worry and asking 5 questions, re-acknowledging worry and asking another 17 questions, and re-re-acknowledging worry and asking 6 more questions, I finally found the answer to digest my upsized worrying: my current state is largely manageable and any potential unhappiness can likely be resolved by adjusting my mentality.

And we can always rely on positive thinking to save the day :)

Happy 2016! :)

First day of the new year, and checking off my first resolution for this year: daily writing hour :)

My genre will be akin to a documentary, of my life from age 31.

Today, I want to give thanks.

Thankful for the love and care from my family.

Thankful for the love and care from my husband.

Thankful for my stable life.

These are my simple luxuries, the very core from which derives my happiness :) 

And I wish that, some day, more people will have and be content with such simplicity, as I am now.

*blessed*

Things that made me happy today. Gram’s dinner and company :) finding raspberries in the fridge, probably J bought them because of his cravings, but I rather think of it as he bought them specially for me to boost my vitamin c ;) thinking positive helps get us through down times. Writing doesn’t come as fluidly as before. To be exact, it was roughly 12 years before. I still enjoy writing in a juxtaposed style, playing with words, making my reader, who is really just me, think and rethink each sentence then gradually smiling to the period. Writing offloads my congested and intertwined strands of thought. The cyber ink imprinted and backspaced, over and over, to deliver a perfect yet amateur sentence. As I reread the above paragraph, I can vaguely sense the rickety writing gears creaking gently with excitement that is way way overdue. My sleeping muse, kissed by the pried open raspberries seeds, unsure of how long her slumber has been, the puzzled look creasing her smooth porcelain face, finally gives a knowing smile that said “it’s been a long while”.